Bored in the library... let the facebook stalking commence!

so i´m working in my library in salasaca, ecuador amongst the quechua speaking folk and i am bored because i have to sit here 3 hours and i cannot be on a computer that long. so what do i do, i facebook stalk. i stumbled upon laurens wall and start reading. clearly i was going to pass over a comment made by max huston, but then i thought, three wolf moon t-shirt? must check it out.

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=89993759146&h=cHTsL&u=7rUtc&ref=mf

so i started by checking out the other items people bought along with this one: whole milk,"zubaz pants" whatever they are, a joe the plumber book, and a badonkadonk land cruiser are only on the first page. that provoked a smile. but then when i proceeded to the customer review by B. Govern (Bee dot Govern), that´s when the magic happened. I was trying to stifle my laughter because i was at that moment playing the role of librarian and there was no way i could explain why it was so funny to my Quechua friends. That clearly didn´t happen. I burst out laughing, scaring the silent members of the library, and had tears running down my face. this man is brilliant and basically summed up the non white trash and non uber annoying hipster populations´opinion on wolf tshirts. i would also like to give a nod to the customer review by T. Guymon "Son of Spam" who is also amusing. If you continue on, as I have, to the other 1300+ reviews of the Three Wolf Moon tshirt, you will find that there are a lot of hilarious sarcastic people who are more than willing to take the time to write a really funny review of this ridiculous item. I say props to them because they have amused me thoroughly in my last hour of library duty. Thanks Max Huston for enlightening us all!

Here is a copy of the review by B. Govern:

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

Field Trip! and I turned 23 - 6/1/09

Well I wasnt entirely healthy by my birthday. It is amazing how much of my time traveling is occupied by pondering my stomach problems; I would estimate about 30% of it. First there was constipation, followed by one night of vomiting, then constant unfortunate trips to the toilet, and finally, obscene amounts of bloating and gas. I literally woke up and belched one morning. Im starting to understand "a day in the life of David Norman" a little more every day. And now Im getting a cold, but Im pretty sure I prefer that to the tummy troubles. Anyways, my birthday was nice but not so eventful. We went on a field trip to Ambato with the students. To be honest it was a bit strange. We came to a provincial building and were ushered into a large parking lot where the kids performed a traditional dance along with another group and then there was a group of children from a special needs school whom I guess was the audience, but we were never filled in on the details (minor or significant). THen teh children went to go watch a clown which they really enjoyed. I forgot to write before about the clown that came to the school for the kids about a week or two before; most likely because it was such a revolting experience. So this clown, who looks like one of those satirical drunken bum clowns, comes to the school and starts off by doing some sort of a skit where he is constantly hitting the kids, kind of hard, with something that looks like a large rubber whoopie cushion. This was about a third of his entire act which none of the volunteers appreciated because 1. he shouldnt be hitting children, 2. hitting should not be presented as something comical, and 3. we already have enough problems trying to keep the children form hitting eachother. Another thing he did was tuck this string of bandanas into a childs pants and then magically pull out a pair of underpants on the line of bandanas. Now, the kids reaction - "oh my god did he just pull my underpants out in front of the entire school" expression - was hilarious. But, almost all the volunteers nearly lept out of their seats when he was putting his hand in the kids pants to tuck in the bandanas. It wasnt as inappropriate as Im probably making it seem, but enough so that Ive written him off my list to invite to birthday parties involving children, or adults for that matter. The clicher though was when he had a couple of the girls "walk sexy," waving at the audience, then stop to blow a kiss. I dont know what the hell that was meant for, but it was not okay. We have all agreed that this clown will not be invited back to Escuela Katitawa and that if he happens to get mowed down by a car that he should just understand that karma is a bitch. What a freak! But, the clown on Monday was nothing like this clown and was enjoyed by all. Later that night Kristina made me a lovely birthday cake but she forgot to add the eggs so it ended up being not so fluffy. And it was kind of burnt at the bottom. So she salvaged it as much as she could; it was not beautiful but we had zero problems finishing it. Then yesterday (Friday) we had another field trip. We had little details; just a time and place where we were to show up. So as we are waiting in this rented shuttle, some of the sutdents are showing up, but adults from the community, some school parents some not, were showing up in droves. There were 39 of us and I would say about two thirds were not students. I was a little weirded out by this. So we were driving for a couple of hours and then Chimborazo (a large mountain, active volcano, and at the summit, the closes place on Earth to the Sun) came into sight. We stopped at one point to take pictures, and some of the Salasacan people went and collected "pura aguas minerales" from a place near the side of the road where the water came up. I decided to stay away from it considering the amount of stomach problems I hade been experiencing lately. Then we kept driving and arrived at the base of Chimborazo and climbed up to the first refuge. It was so incredibly beautiful and we were literally standing in the clouds. After the climb we piled back into the shuttle and drove to some hot springs. First we all sat down and ate the lunch that was assembled from the various corn, potatoe, bean, and rice dishes that people brought. It was all piled on a big bag and people just grabbed handfulls of food over and over again until it was gone. It kind of grossed me out considering there was not hand washing and, in addition to the many other sources of germs, I had defintiely seen some nose picking before hand, and not just from the children. But, it was either that or not eat lunch. I guess its no surprise that Im getting a cold. Then we went in the hot springs which were a little dodgy but nice and warm. Most of the kids dont know how to swim so it was fun trying to teach them. One mom dunked her 3 year old kid, who is in my kindergarden class and my favorite student at the school (super adorable and in the picture with a red hat and a tire), into some freezing waterso that she could pass him off to me in the hot water and he wouldnt object. Once we got playing and splashing he was all gigles and smiles; it was very cute. After the hot springs we were driving through these picturesque mountains and arrived at a tiny little house shack thing where we were going to cook dinner. So we first walked down a couple of hills that opened up to this huge view with llamas climbing the hills across from us, thatched roof farm houses, and a slope full of pretty little yellow flowers, under which we dug up our potatoes. All the volunteers kind of chimed in at the same time with, "The hills are alive with the sound of music!" We brought the potatoes back and started splitting open the bean pods. Our host, Cesar, started passing out the aguardiente which is a liquor made from sugar cane and at first it doesnt taste awful, but then feels like what I would imgaine a fireblowers act gone wrong might feel like. Then I noticed they had startede making a fire in the house so I wandered in to find the guinea pigs being prepared. Talk about graphic, holy hell! So Im not sure the exact process, but what I saw was not dead rodents being dunked in a boiling pot of water, pulled out, stretched up, put into a pile where they were still moving and squeaking, and then further dunked where I think and hope they were finally killed, de-furred, de-organed, then roasted on a stick shoved through the whole of their body. At step one I went running out of the kitchen, holding back the dry heaves. But I did go back in a couple of times to take pictures; I mean, its definitely a once in a lifetime experience. So for dinner we had soup made of the beans, portatoes, guinea pig meat, and SURPRISE guinea pig intestine! I did not eat the intestine; they looked like soggy worms. However, I did eat the meat; I was happy I tried it but its just not very tasty. Ill stick to chicken. The whole night was full of great conversation, dancing, beers and aguardiente, and ended it off with some really heartfelt and lovely speeches fromthe community and school leaders. It was one of those days that you know is incredibly special and you wont get to do anything similar again.

Salasaca! - 5/30/09

I forgot to note down three very interesting people i met last weekend. 2 climbers from AZ who went to school in Cali named Andre and Steven, they were very nice and I hope to meet them again. Another guy from Munich named Flo who has the German patent on the beer bong, which I think is hilarious, AND he is climbing the highest peak in every country from Alaska to Antartica; I think it´s amazing. He´s another person I hope to meet again, if only to hear about how his trip went. SO, I made it to Salasaca which is so so beautiful. Its on a mountain with farms including numerous aloe plants, donkeys, cows, sheep, chickens, and pigs. Kristina and I, for some really dumb reason, decided not to get a pickup truck to take us from the bus station to the hostal with an unknown location. Instead we walked a really far way, in high altitude, with all of our heavy stuff. We honestly had no idea where we were going or what the hostal looked like, but people kept pointing us in the right direction along the way. So while we are heading in the direction that we were pointed we came upon this beautiful brick and wood cottage on a picturesque part of the hillside, overlooking the farms and towns below. Inside there was a large room with a fire place and it looks so cozy. We went around back and there was a large, two level terrace with insane views. We had no idea what this place was but we wanted to stay there. No one was around so we kept walking in search of our hostal and we asked the next person we saw, again where the hostal was. And this man told us that the amazing cottage was our hostal! I think we may have literally skipped back there. The whole project consists of the hostal which is rented out for the volunteers, a library with computers, and the Katitawa school with about 30 Quechua students from ages 2 to 12. The man in charge is Robert who is so kind and crazy generous. He is 77 and has lived in Arizona, Mexico for 30 years, and now in Salasaca for about 7 years. He uses his pension and savings to fund the school, pay for a teacher in addition to the one paid by the government, for the library, hostal, the cook Faviola, and whatever other expenses not covered by the one dollar a day paid by the volunteers. He only wishes that he can find someone to do what he has done after he´s gone and keep the project running. At the school I am working in the kindergarden, the lower level math class, and the higher level english class. The philosophy at the school is that kids can learn if they want to but they cannot be forced; thus, if a student stands on their desk or runs out of the classroom and refuses to return when asked, there is nothing else you can do. It is definitely frustrating at times and can make it difficult to get anything done, but the alternative is having the school like the surounding ones that have 50 students with one government paid teacher and thats it. In the long run everyone feels that the kids are definitely benefitting. There are also computer classes and homework help before and after school. It´s a huge step in learning when compared with one generation before. There are also plans to expand the library and create a reading corner for kids to be read to and hopefully develop a love for books. It has been amazing just in this week and if I continue to enjoy it I will probably stay until the end of the school year which is in late June. Since Thursday I have been having some serious stomach problems but am recovering slowly and I am relaxing today in Baños again with a couple of the Salasaca volunteers. Also, Monday is my birthday; the big 23. Hopefully I´ll be better by then. We also have two filed trips for this week to a cultural event and museum and then to someones farm and lake near a volcano which should be fun for everyone! Thus far I´m content just to look out the back door and see a volcano erupting in one direction, a snow capped mountain in another, and miles of fields in the next.

Baños, the land of bathrooms - 5/23/09

I have left Arutam for some fun in a town called Baños. I love it here; it is so adorable! I am staying at the oh so popular hostal Plantas y Blancos with all the other Arutam volunteers. The town is in a valley with green mountains and waterfalls surrounding and towering. There are a ton of nice little shops and restaurants. THe day we arrived we met this Chicago-ite who was working at the school in Salasaca for a month where I want to volunteer at. He said it was incredible and to just show up without talking to anyone because they can always use more volunteers. So Kristina and I are going to venture there on Monday. That afternoon we all went with this Chicago guy to a nice outdoor restaurant called El Jardin for Happy Hour and then back to the hostal roof terrace for some drinking games and chatting. Jacob (Chicago) ended up being pretty much the loudest psycho ever; he also insisted on putting his stellar dance moves on display no matter what location we were in. I´m okay with not hanging out with him again. Later we went to a relaxed pool bar and we met up with this big group of tourists that had visited Arutam which was fun. I also met this Brit named Carl who knows all about the school in Salamanca and told me absolutely to just go and that the guy who runs it is really a wonderfull guy. I´m so excited! Then we went to the Leperchau bar which has one part for dancing and then in the back has a huge bonfire going all night. I got some Ecuadorian guy, who wasn´t creepy (big plus!), to teach me how to salsa. It was such a nice night! The next day some of the people we met went bridge jumping which is sort of like a bungee but you swing out; i thought it looked terrifying and did not take part. You have to jump head first; there was just no way. That afternoon we went to a really cozy restaurant called Casa Hood that shows movies every day and has amazing food. Later Kristina and I just walked around for hours and eventually wandered into this church that dominates the center of town. It was super ornate and had some really terrifying paintings, one of which looked like a zipline gone bad - strange... ALSO, in the Casa Hood Restaurant there was a wall with a Michigan license plate that said Yooper on it and all sorts of post cards and wall hangings having to do with the UP. So random! The next day we hung around for awhile and then went on a nice hike up one of the mountain sides so we could see the entire valley. A very good weekend and tomorrow I am off to Salasaca!

To the equator! - 5/17/09

THe last day in San Jose was an amazing time. It was one girls birthday and we went out salsa dancing. Everyone took part and those who were more equipped with salsa moves were able to guide us; I loved it! The Ticos danced like they were in the 1950s, I was so jealous and must learn how they do it. Then I was off to Ecuador. By the way, everyone wearing face masks on the plane was hilarious; there was like whole families with little baby masks and child masks and mom and dad masks. I did not wear a mask but I dont believe I have swine flu. My hostal in Quito was really adorable but one street away from where it is impossible to escape getting robbed although I have dodged it thus far. We dont want a repeat performance from Barcelona, ha ha... right dad? I meant to go do something my first night but instaed I took a 12 hour nap. The next day I met 2 Americans staying in the hostal and they were traveling around with an Ecuadorian friend who was taking them to all the sites so they told me to tag along. We went to the Teleferico and walked up to look over the entire city which was amazing and shocking how big the city really is. Then we went to the Panecillo, a giant statue of the Virgen and then later drove through the old city past the Basilica and back to the hostal. It was an unexpectedly good first day in Quito. That night I made an Israeli friend at the hostal and we went out for drinks and fun. The first place we went to was this little hole in the wall with a couple tables and drank what i think are called calzados which is basically really sweet hot juice with alcohol - good but i dont think i need another. Then we went to a couple other bars; one of which featured a live band that was seriously lacking in the vocal abilities. All in all it was a good night. The next day I did some more venturing around the city and then a couple of us went out for pizza where the Israeli dude ran into SIX people he knew - I swear to god these Israelis are all out travelling at the same time. So we all hung out in the pizzeria for the night and then I went back to the hostal to wake up super early the next morning. The next day I left for Arutam and arrived to a completely empty camp. Apparantly all the volunteers had left for a celebration of indigenous cultures in Puyo. It was a little sketchy. Later the 5 other volunteers came back, thank god. So far in my stay here at Arutam we{ve gone on walks in the jungle and planted seeds, learned about medicinal plants, and used blow darts. I would like it to be known that I was the only volunteer in the group to hit the lemon we were using as a target with the blow gun, it is very exciting! The problem that I have found with being here at Arutam is that it is much more of an ecotourism site than a volunteer program; we do activities every day as opposed to projects or any real meaningful work. I am only going to stay for 2 weeks instead of a month which is disappointing but I am sure that there are other amazing things I can do. I am looking into another program at a school in a town called Salasaca so hopefully that will pan out and the change will be great.

Party Peninsula - 5/7/09

I have just returned from an amazing little ¨vacation¨on my vacation. Eleven of us volunteers left the island on the 30th for the outside world. We left on a boatride through a torrential downpour followed by a long bus ride to San Jose. That night our plan was to see Gentlemen, a blond goofy reggae singer from Germany. Most of us went at around 830 but no one told us that in Costa Rica they have about 8 opening acts, all of which were singing the same song by Gentlemen, which was constantly and abruptly cut off before they finished the song. It was fairly annoying. By the tie Gnetlemen came on it was almost 1am and none of us were able to maintina any enthusiasm. Two of my friends, Gernot and Jenny, were sleeping on chairs in the back, my feet felt like they were on fire, and Im pretty sure everyone was on the verge of collapsing right there. Probably not the best idea to go to an all night concert right after a very exhausing day; it was quite the disaster. The next day six of us went to the mountain town of Monteverde. We stayed in a nice smal hostal and had amazing family meals (with protein!!). THe next morning we went on the Extremo canopy tour which consisted of numerous ziplines, the longest of which was 1km, and two surprises! The ziplines were incredible; you are so high up and flying so fast and you can see out for miles. However, the two surprises were probably the most memorable parts. Surprise 1: drop striaght down the length of a tall jungle tree; fun and exciting with medium adrenaline. Surprise 2: we wlk up to a platform about 50 ft up from anothe larger platform which is like a million feet up from the jungle floor. Jenny is the first one to go and i dont think anyone expected what was about to come. The guides loop you into a rope, tell you to hold on and inch you up to the edge of the platform. Then you would think there would be a countdown but instead the guide literally shoves you off the platform. You then plummet straight down (mini bungee) and then swing out across the jungle flor and up into the tops of the trees. The swinging part was amazing but the drop was terrifying. I now know i never need to go bungee jumping. THe next day as we were leaving Monteverde at sunrise we were able to see all the clouds rolling around in the hills below us; it was so cool and incredibly beautiful. We then arrived at the beachtown/ tourist haven of Montezuma on the Nicoya Peninsula. The weather was good, the beaches were amazing and the hostal was very nice (minus the owner who is a Billy Bob Thorton look alike, surfer/hipie poser, who tried to cheat us out of our money), but it wasnt the most exciting town. Although we did meet a super sketchy possibly male prostitute wearing a gold lamë tube dress and heels. S/he tried to strike up a conversation with my friend Vanessa who was very confused by it all, as were the rest of us. THe next day was another beach day followed by the parting of our group for the first time when Vanessa and Raf left us. ALSO, ou first meal was a salad made in a shopping bag and served with a dixie cup because we werent allowed to cok at the hostal due to a water shortage. So, then the rest of us made our way to the other side of the peninsula to Santa Teresa, surfers paradise. We figured we didnt need to reserve a hostal but we were very mistaken. We walked in the blazing heat down a dusty dirt road with all our packs (mine weighing in at 50 lbs and yes i know that is excessive) searching we came upon an Israeli man who offered to give us a ride and hook us up with a place to stay. So he started making phone calls and then took us to another Israeli owned hotel where the entire staff was Israeli. It was super nice, right on the beach, with a pool and AC! We immediately went to the beach and watched the surfers all afternoon. We did the same thing the next day and also rented surfboards. Gernot got scraped up and Jenny got a concussion; but before that they both stood up, Jenny with the help of an Israeli surf instructor. Israeli mafia perhaps? We spent the nights watching the amazing sunsets and it was a perfect end to our time together. NOw Im back in San JOse and very excited to make my way to Ecuador tomorrow. Also, I am swine flu free, in case anyone was concerned.

Crabs and the girl who wears no clothes - 4/26/09

This morning our cabin came under attack from many many crabs. Once a year they make a mass migration from the jungles and mountains all the way down to the ocean to lay their eggs. They came in droves by the hundreds. Most are quite large and very blue. Under my bed there happens to be a hole in the wall, connected to the bodega, which happens to be just large enough for the crabs to crawl through. At around 6 am, 3 crabs made their way through the hole and as they walked across the tile thier loud shuffling noises woke me up out of a dead, benedryl-induced sleep. At first I was only nervous, but then they climbed up my pack which was vulnerably laid open. I thought they might climb onto my bed while i was stuck in my mosquito net and I freaked out and went running out of the cabin screaming in my underwear. Eventually Roel and Vanessa came to the rescue and slapshot them out of the cabin with brooms. Finally i settled back into bed and right after the paranoia subsided and I was about to fall asleep I heard shuffle shuffle. More crabs! We repeated the process and blocked up the hole under my bed. Oh the drama. Also, new people arrived today. One girl in particular seems to be a bit out of place. She came attired in giant plastic playboy earings, a mini shirt that did not cover the bottom of her bra, and a skirt that did not cover her bum. I´m not exactly sure what she was thinking when she packed her bag, but the guides certainly enjoy it.